As soon as we become parents, our life changes drastically and why not, we’ve been blessed with the most precious feeling and gift of God. But what I’ve also realized is that many times we forget being our own self or suppress playing the other roles we’ve been playing very well before becoming a parent. What I mean is very simply, when each one of us asks this one question to self, “who are the most important beings in our lives?” Just like many mothers and fathers, even I answered it to be my child. I then asked myself,” Why is that so? What is it about my child that I think of her like this and give her this importance?”. It’s definitely the emotional connect that we share with our children and the bond, relationship that we have makes us feel this for them. But there might not be any reasonable thing that gives them that status.
Most of us today, as compared to the olden days/generation of parenting are facing raising issues and challenges with our children simply because of the way we treat our children, as if we, our marriage, our family exists because of our children. But infact, it is the other way round. We must know and remember that our children exist because of us, our marriage and they have it all because we have strived to create a stable family as parents for them. Our children wouldn’t be able to do anything on their own, they wouldn’t be able to eat well, own the nice clothes they wear, live in the beautiful homes that they are in, enjoy the fantastic vacations that we plan for them, study in the best schools that we can afford for them and so much more that they enjoy as kids. Imagine how it would be for them if these were all not for us.
Why this is the heart of the matter today is that many parents of the previous generation have raised kids as if they were not the most or just the only important part in their lives. It was made very clear to the kids then that their parents were the most important people in their families. It was the other way around then. But today, we have revised and reversed everything which is leading to problems in raising children normally. We make children the only important part in our lives and families. We make them feel extra special and extra comfortable which is making them more dependable on us instead of feeling independent. They aren’t able to handle any kind of pressure or stress because we run to solve their matters and for their rescue all the time. Instead we must let them handle their things all by themselves.
In older days, our parents were important to us and our parents made sure that we remember this and not think otherwise because that would lead to ‘taking everything in our lives for granted’. That is exactly why children respected their parents then, that is why they looked up to adults in general.
It was also made very clear to us that our parent’s marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Do you remember sleeping in their beds with them even as we were too young or did we ever try to interrupt their conversations? I don’t think so because we never felt or were given that status. The family meal at home was regarded as more important than the after-school activities. Our parents talked a lot more with each other. Haven’t the children of those days grown into matured, empathetic adults? Infact, I believe the children of those days had more patience and understanding than the children of today. Times have definitely changed and I’m not trying to make any comparison but it’s time to ponder on our ways and habits with changing times. Love sure remains the same then and now. Ofcourse we want to give all that we can to our children, the best of the world’s but we must remember not to overdo a thing because that would lead to negative impact on our children later and we don’t realize it today.
I remember reading somewhere that- “the most important person in an army is the general, the most important person in a corporation is the CEO, the most important person in a classroom is the teacher and the most important person in a family are the parents”.And the more we realize and remember this, the better for us and our children.
The most important thing about our children today is the need to prepare them well for becoming responsible citizens rather than just helping them earn a degree, wealth or status in society. Many dangers and crimes can also be reduced if we did this. Our primary goal must be to raise children such that society and culture are strengthened.
Our thought that our child is the most important in our lives, is the first step that we take towards raising a child who feels entitled. We sure don’t want that. Happy Parenting!